Rev. Alexander Hsu Uy
Interim Senior Pastor, Grace Gospel Church

We’ve heard those words before in countless weddings, coupled with rich phrases making clear that marriages are meant to last until death and that husband and wife are to be committed to each other through the hardships as well as the joys of life. Unfortunately, many couples no longer take their marriage vows seriously and when they face seemingly insurmountable obstacles and problems in their relationships, they want to take the easy way out of their marriages. This explains why 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.

In the Philippines, our laws do not allow for divorce; however, we have two options that couples can take when they want to end a marriage – legal separation and annulment. According to the Family Code, a petition for legal separation may be filed on a variety of grounds such as physical violence, attempts to corrupt a minor, imprisonment of more than six years, drug addiction, alcoholism, homosexuality, lesbianism, bigamy, sexual infidelity, physical threat against the petitioner, and abandonment for more than a year. In cases of legal separation, there is an acknowledgement that the marriage was legally valid but that certain conditions that took place after the contracting of the marriage brought about misery and injustice for the petitioner of the proceeding. Annulment, on the other hand, conveys the idea that a marriage that was contracted by two parties was invalid in the first place. The Family Code states that psychological incapacity, physical incapacity to consummate the marriage, fraud or use of force in obtaining consent, affliction with sexually transmitted disease and the failure to get the consent of parents or guardians for couples under the age of twenty-one.

According to a lawyer friend, the framers of the Family Code intended for legal separation to serve as protection for one party of a marriage where there is imminent threat against him or her. Annulment, on the other hand, was actually taken from the Roman Catholic Law where the Catholic Church acknowledges that a marriage is legally binding unless one can prove beyond doubt that certain conditions for legality were violated or questionable.

Divorce, annulment and legal separation are expensive legal services. However, money is not the only cost of a failed marriage. One must consider also the trauma that it brings to the life of the children. Children have emotional attachments to their parents and it is difficult for those of younger age to understand why their parents have to separate, why they get to see the other parent only on certain days when the other parent exercises his visiting rights. They will feel the incompleteness of their family when a parent is no longer staying under the same roof. Children growing up with one parent missing will also develop the mindset that the missing parent doesn’t love them. Of course, without both parents around, there is a lack of either a father figure or a mother figure who would properly guide them.

Connected to the issue of divorce and annulment is the issue of remarriage. While there may have been good intentions behind the laws on annulment and legal separation in the Philippines and divorce in other countries, many have taken advantage of these laws in order to walk out on a relationship rather than to make it work. One need not look far for examples. Consider some of our local actors and actresses who marry and then file for annulment after a couple of years. In countries where divorce is allowed, we see many choosing to remarry, with some remarrying as much as they want. In the case of an annulment, remarriage is also allowed as the previous marriage is considered as invalid, as if the marriage never took place at all.

What Scripture Teaches

What is clear from Scripture is that God intended for marriage to last a lifetime and that monogamy is the rule. In the Creation account of Genesis 2, we find God creating woman who would serve as a “help-meet” for Adam. An important commentary given in the passage by the author is in verse 24 where man and woman are united by marriage to become one flesh. The idea of “one flesh” is that of an exclusive relationship. None of the parties are to contract relationships with others of the same nature. A husband is not to have more than one wife nor should a wife have more than one husband. This was the norm that God intended for marriage. Unfortunately, when sin entered the picture, the institute of marriage wasn’t spared and it did not take long before men started marrying more than one wife. In fact, we even find people greatly used by God who did not heed God’s original intent for marriage such as Jacob, David and Solomon.

In the New Testament, both Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul affirmed monogamy as being the original intent of God for marriage. When some Pharisees approached Jesus in order to test him, they asked him on whether or not it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason. Jesus pointed the Pharisees back to Genesis 2 and then added his own commentary, a statement that we often here in weddings, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:4–6). When questioned further by the Pharisees as to why Moses allowed people to divorce, Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning” (Matthew 19:8). Jesus was pointing out to the Pharisees that God never intended for marriages to end in divorce but it was because of man’s sinfulness that brought about the need for divorce as women back in Jesus’ day were often subjected to abuse whenever a husband was not happy with his wife. A divorce was seen as the way for men to “dispose” of a wife he no longer loved, and for the wife to walk away no longer the subject of abuse. Reading Matthew 19 further, you will see that Jesus actually prohibited divorce except for the case of marital unfaithfulness.

The apostle Paul, in his first letter to Timothy, gave instruction regarding the selection of leaders for the church. For both elders and deacons, they must be the husband of but one wife (1Timothy 3:2 and 3:12). Paul is not implying that leaders have different standards from non-leaders but that leaders are to set example in the church for what marriage should really be in the Christian realm.

Regarding divorce, as mentioned earlier, Moses permitted divorce only because the people’s hearts were hard. They refused to work on their marriages and instead, chose the easy way out when a relationship isn’t working. Moses never intended for divorce to become a norm among the Israelites but was simply a concession for the hardness of people’s hearts.

If one carefully examines the Scripture, there are only two valid reasons for divorce. The first, as mentioned above, is marital unfaithfulness. When a spouse is unfaithful to his wife or husband by having an extra-marital affair or by maintaining a second family, then the offended spouse is given the right to divorce his guilty spouse. The second reason for divorce is found in 1Corinthians 7 where a divorce may be initiated by a non-believing spouse against the believing spouse for any cause. Paul, however, exhorts believers not to exercise the option of divorce as the unbelievers were doing (1 Corinthians 7:10); husbands should not divorce their wives while wives should not think about separating from their husbands. Now, if it so happens that a wife does separate from her husband, then she must remain unmarried (7:11). It is unclear as to whether this same rule of remaining unmarried applies to the husband but I believe the rule that applies for the wives should also be applicable for the husbands.

It is thus clear from Scripture that divorce can only be initiated when there is a clear case of marital unfaithfulness committed by the other spouse, and when the one initiating the divorce is the non-believer between the married couple. It is also clear from Scripture that divorce is never an option for the believer, even if his or her spouse is an unbeliever.

What About Remarriage?

The issue of remarriage is a controversial one of which every pastor will have a different opinion. Some will say that remarriage is prohibited in light of what was mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7:11. Others, however, believe that remarriage is allowed because Jesus himself seemed to allow it when he said that a person who divorces his wife for cause of marital unfaithfulness and remarries again would not be committing adultery.

While this is a hard issue to resolve, I personally hold to the more conservative stance regarding remarriage – that it is something a believer should not do while his or her spouse is alive, even if they are already divorced or separated. It is because I believe the words of Jesus in Matthew 19 is not a license for remarriage but what it was saying was that you cannot divorce unless the reason is that your partner committed marital unfaithfulness. If you remarry, then you would have committed adultery, no matter how unfaithful your partner may be. This can be reconciled with how Mark recorded Jesus’ words in Mark 10 where the person who divorces and remarries has committed the sin of adultery. I know that this is a hard and unpopular stance but I am of the opinion that a marriage is worth fighting for. Divorce should always be a last option when things aren’t working out after you’ve tried everything. In the Philippines, where divorce is non-existent, legal separation becomes the equivalent of a divorce, except that you cannot remarry when you are legally separated. Furthermore, a legal separation functions more as a protection for a spouse from an abusive partner and should not be used flippantly. Annulment, for me personally, is a bad option as you use legal loopholes to justify having your marriage annulled and declared as not having taken place at all.

Remarriage, however, is acceptable whenever one spouse dies and the surviving spouse chooses to remarry, provided the new spouse is also a believer (1 Corinthians 7:39).

What If I Am Divorced Or Had Annulled My Marriage And Remarried, Have I Committed An Unforgivable Sin?

There are those in the church who are divorced from their spouses or had their marriages annulled, and remarried. According to Scripture, they have committed adultery. Although adultery is a grievous sin, it is not an unpardonable sin. I believe that God can forgive our sins through Christ and also restore, even when a remarriage leads to committing the sin of adultery. However, I think we must bear the consequences of that sin if and when they come. It is all a matter of recognizing the wrong that we’ve done, repenting of our sins and asking God to grant us his grace. We must then resolve on our part to make the new marriage work, so that it can then bring glory to God after experiencing the grace of God.

Conclusion:

The topic of divorce, legal separation, annulment and remarriage is a complicated issue that every believer needs to be aware of, not for him or her to consider when a marriage is facing rough waters, but for them to see the ugliness that sin has brought about to the wonderful institution of marriage. Yet, in the midst of the ugliness, God is and can still work out the mess we get ourselves into, if only we allow him and when we turn back to him.

Another challenge everyone should consider before walking the aisle is that, in God’s plan, there should be no mention of the words “divorce”, “annulment” or “legal separation” in a marriage. These words should never come out of our mouths in the heat of argument nor when things aren’t working out well in one’s marriage. There must be a commitment between each person considering marriage or who is currently in a marriage relationship that they will work on it and never quit even when times get rough.

While this article is quite long, I pray that its content has given you a good idea regarding the subject. Furthermore, I pray that if you are considering marriage, you will be committed to faithfulness and devoted to love. Build a marriage that will last and that will bring glory to the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.