There’s a Bully at Work
Massacres and suicides fill the news, but how well do we know the story behind?
By Aimz Delmendo (Life Gospel Church in Quezon City)
A man whose face was all bloodied-up and disfigured was rushed into the emergency room. He was groaning in pain after being smashed in his car in an accident. Nurses and doctors attended to him immediately. The young surgical intern inquired from the senior reconstructive surgeon, “How can I assist you?” The surgeon replied, “You can get me a latte.” This is a quick scene from a TV series but similar experiences of people being undermined or bullied in the workplace happen everywhere.
According to Frank Parkinson, author of the book Listening and Helping in the Workplace, bullying can be defined as “the use of power in order to intimidate others”, and has been called “psychological terrorism”. The results of bullying are typical of the symptoms of stress and of post-trauma stress, and can seriously influence health and relationships. Bullying can even result in breakdown, mental illness, or suicide.1
Parkinson also stresses that bullying in the workplace “must never be accepted as normal behavior, no matter who the perpetrator may be – supervisor, managing director, or whoever. Partly because bullying often comes from high up, it is often difficult to prove that it has been or is taking place – which puts an extra burden on the victim, who may feel extremely vulnerable and exposed both in the working environment and outside it.”
He describes the typical bully as “a child dressed up as an adult”. Bullies have often been deprived as children, not necessarily through poverty, but more in terms of their relationships with parents who may not have given them much love or security. They come from all walks of life and from all classes. For whatever reason, the typical bully has an inner need to be aggressive, to be sadistic, to harass, hurt and humiliate and to undermine others in whatever ways he or she can. These considerations should not be seen as attempts to excuse, for though we may try to understand the bully we must never accept his or her behavior.
When confronted with their behavior though, bullies may say:
“If he can’t take a joke, he shouldn’t have joined in.”
“If she was doing her job properly, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“She needed to be shouted at because she was incompetent.”
“It wasn’t meant to hurt anyone.”
“He’s just taking it the wrong way.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. It was perfectly harmless.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“I’m in charge and I’ll do what I like.”
“It’s all a story made up by somebody who can’t cope.”
“Nobody else has complained.”
“If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
Parkinson believes that the effect of bullying on the victim is fear – fear of being made to look like a fool or a liar, especially in front of others; fear of reprisals by the bully; fear of rejection or hostility from colleagues; fear of being sacked or made redundant; fear of progressive bullying or of sexual or physical harassment; fear of not knowing what to do or where to go for help. Perhaps the main problems are the fear of not being taken seriously (“Nobody will believe me…”) and the amount of courage and conviction it takes to stand up and say, “I am being bullied.” The bully purposely causes fear, confusion and disorientation so that his target will not know where to turn to or what to do. And the victim may begin to believe that he or she deserves to be bullied and that it must be his or her fault. These may be reasons why some people endure bullying for a long time.
The good news is bullying does not have need to be endured. To cower in fear was never God’s will for anyone, that is why Christians in the workplace must have a concerted effort in dealing with bullying as a public issue. In love, we must put to use the weapons of our warfare.
• Bullying should be seen for what it really is – a malevolent behavior rooted in violence. As such, its nature is no different from any other hostilities. Christians must earnestly pray against bullying and against its violent nature. Violence intends to oppress, immobilize, and eventually destroy people. Jesus wants to free, reenergize and renew every person.
• Pray through your fears. Do not suppress, dismiss or deny them. Acknowledge the fears in your heart and allow the Holy Spirit to examine them so you can see the real dangers to which your fears are alerting you. Praying through your fears allows Jesus to help you overcome them with courage.
• Pray through your anger. Do not suppress or deny your anger. Neither should you dwell in it. Anger is a powerful emotion, which is why we should ask the Holy Spirit to help us redirect our energies to creatively respond to the perpetrator or to the act of oppression. Seek wisdom to come up with a decisive plan of action that aims for justice and not retaliation. Back up your plan of action with assertiveness and not aggressiveness.
• Pray for those who are in authority that they will have the will to promote a better work environment, and that they will not turn a blind eye on reports of bullying. Pray that they will decisively and consistently administer discipline on those found and proven to be bullies.
• Pray for the bully, especially if he or she is your boss. Pray that she will have the courage to look at her own insecurities and deficiencies. Pray that he will have the integrity to see the damages he has caused on others. Pray that they will seek help and seek to change, believing in your heart that Jesus wants to help them, too.
Endnotes:
1. Frank Parkinson, “Bullying”, Listening and Helping in the Workplace: A Guide for Managers, Supervisors and Colleagues Who Need to Use Counseling Skills, (London: Souvenir Press, 1995).
Pastor Aimee Rae “Aimz” Delmendo, D. Min. Spiritual Direction is a member of Life Gospel Church in Quezon City and a Counselor of Door of Hope Counseling Resource Center, a psycho-spiritual healing community committed to the restoration of people who are hurting, helping them move toward personal wholeness. Door of Hope is located at Unit 2001, Medical Plaza Bldg., Amorsolo corner Dela Rosa Street, Legaspi Village, Makati City (Tel. No. 7508044).
INSERT #1:
There are usually signs that bullying is taking place, and the supervisor or manager should be aware of the forms such clues may take. Parkinson emphasizes that none of them in themselves automatically means that a bully is operating but, on the other hand, they may well be pointers:
1. High levels of absenteeism by one person, or employees calling in sick in one department
2. A fall in efficiency and productivity, either of a group or an individual
3. If people are being bullied, they will, if they can, either resign or ask to be moved to another part of the workplace.
4. If bullying is an issue, it may affect not only the individual or individuals being bullied, but also the team or group to which they belong. This may contribute to low morale and a lack of team spirit.
INSERT #2:
Parkinson outlines many ways that bullies operate as they often use more than one strategy:
1. Removing authority. Someone in position may have his or her authority taken away so that the person is no longer able to make decisions about people, about finance, or about production.
2. Criticism, intimidation and threat. Such behavior may be overt, or it may be insidiously covert and underhand. It can be carried out either publicly or privately in order to humiliate and hurt. [Bullies] may even believe that, when it is carried out in public, [bullying] enhances their image and power. When the instigator calmly and quietly “puts the individual down” and humiliates him or her – sometimes more by his silence and threatening looks or behavior than by verbal aggression or criticism – it is no less a form of bullying.
3. Creating uncertainty. This strategy is often intended to disorientate and confuse. [Uncertainty] can lead to the creation of an atmosphere of mistrust and general confusion.
4. Questioning competence. The target is constantly having his or her abilities and performances criticized.
5. Increasing workload beyond capabilities. The bully purposely puts pressure on individuals or groups, demanding a greater output than they can provide. This may lead to distress, anxiety, feelings of guilt, and to further accusations of incompetence.
6. Specific threats of dismissal and redundancy. This may lead to verbal abuse and to the questioning of the ability and competence of the target.
7. Verbal abuse. The bully may swear and shout and may sometimes pick on aspects of the physical appearance of the target. Verbal abuse also includes talking, not necessarily to, but near a person or a group about subjects that are offensive to them. Verbal abuse can also take the form of suggestive remarks and innuendos.
8. Physical abuse. Bullies frequently use physical abuse, although not necessarily through direct physical contact. It is often accomplished through aggressive body language and through violence against things rather than against people. This strategy may also include hammering fists on desks, gesticulating wildly, tearing up files and letters, thrusting faces and heads up-close, clenching teeth and staring hard, spitting at people or throwing things directly at them.
9. Aggression. Like physical abuse, aggression is not always overtly physical. It can sometimes be conducted silently.
10. Regular humiliation. Bullying, which is meant to intimidate, hurt and humiliate, and which includes both direct and veiled insults against individuals or groups, may be all the more insidious when practiced regularly. The instigator may use it everyday, while another strategy is to do it irregularly so that the person being bullied never knows when he will strike.
11. Initiation ceremonies. These can be sadistic and humiliating, and do not always result in acceptance by either an individual or a group. Some ceremonies may even be invented by the bully, especially if he or she is in a position of power.
12. Social rejection. Individuals, pairs or groups may be excluded from normal conversations or activities. This causes isolation and loneliness and the feeling of being an outcast.
