By: Ester Gaw
(Gerizim Evangelical Church)

Mary is a missionary in China. When she was young, there were many guys who courted her but no one attracted her. She prayed to God to use her single blessedness as long as He needed it and when it was time for her to settle down, she asked God to provide her husband. After working in China for almost 40 years, one day God gave Mary the Mr. Right of her life. It was during her furlough, while visiting churches and supporters in the US, she met one of her supporters, a widower in his mid 60’s. It was his love at first sight. Mr. Right proposed to her in China even though she was already in her sixties. She prayed and God gave her peace to marry him.

Bernice, a retired missionary from US told me that she decided not to marry because of her alcoholic father. When she was young, her mother found it hard to budget their money to meet their needs. Sometimes her father would go home drunk and she would hear them fighting especially when her dad did not have money to give to her mom because he spent it all with his drinking buddies. She was afraid that she would meet the same kind of man like her dad so she decided to remain single.

Another friend, a former school principal, in Congo told us how some of his friends tried to match and introduce him to their girl friends. They only stopped doing it when he told them about his vow to celibacy so that he could serve God better. Another friend told me that if God would provide a man who knew how to cook and look after their children while she did her ministry, she would marry him. I told her that she did not need a husband but a house helper.

Personally, I believed that it is a person’s choice and decision if he/she wants to get married or not. I have two friends who decided to marry in spite of their husbands’ health and physical disability. The first couple met in the mission field. She had plenty of suitors before she met her Mr. Right who was 10 years older than her and suffered from prostate cancer. I asked her why she married him and not the one with good health and younger than him. She told me that it was because of his love for God and the country they were both working in. Those guys who courted her didn’t want to leave their comfort zone. The other couple, who is working in the Promised Land, told me that they met at a Christian Organization in London which supports and prays for Israel. She married him in spite of his physical disability because of their same calling and their love to serve God in the Holy Land.

Genesis 2:18, 21, 24 say: "The Lord God said, 'it is not good for a man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him'.” So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. The Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to him. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and then they will become one flesh. Marriage is God’s plan for a union between a man and woman where the couple learns to love each other with spiritual, emotional and physical attraction that continues to grow throughout the couple’s lifetime. It is the living example of the union God desires to have with all people. (Mal. 2:14-15, Mat. 19:4-9. Mark 10:11-12; Rom 7:2, Heb 13:4).

Some countries, like in Africa, a woman must marry at her younger age. If they married late, it was like a curse for them. The mother of my landlady married an older man at the age of eleven. She never grew up. Her physical body was like that of a teenager. Two of my local divorced friends asked for my advice. I asked them why they were in a hurry again to get married. They told me that I don’t understand their culture. For them, marriage is important! They needed husbands to protect them or beat them if they don’t want to listen and obey (based from their previous marriage).

Some preferred not to marry because of family responsibilities like the need to support and help their parents to raise their siblings up and send them to school. Some have traumatic experience from their previous relationship. Others because of their work and competition, they preferred not to have men dominating them. Whenever my friends ask me why I am not yet married, I tease them and tell them that I am not yet ready to wash his dirty and smelly socks. I give first priority to the Lord’s affair on how I can please him and when it is time for me to marry I believe, he will provide Mr. Right for me. It is not easy to live alone in this country dominated by men where marriage is important. It is lonely too for when I go home I do not have anyone to talk with. I often tell my friends that if they do not see me on Skype or hear from me for a week, they should call to check on me if I am well or not. Nobody knows when I am sick except when I tell my neighbors or friends that I am not well and ask help from them. If I will not ask help from others, I have to do everything by myself, it is not easy and many times God sends his children to help, support, encourage and bless me with their love and friendship.

Paul says that it is a gift to stay single in order to cultivate a life of service and intimacy with God (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Many people hope that God would not give them this gift. Singles who hold their right to get married someday often miss out God’s peace. They have no rest because they keep on looking for their Mr. Right. It makes them feel bad when they hear that their friends are getting married or have children while they do not have. It is very comforting to trust God for our life partner. He knows if we can be more effective for him with a husband or a wife than without. He will bring the right companion in His perfect time. God’s words comfort me every time I feel discouraged. Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet their heavenly Father feeds them. Are we not much more valuable than they? Therefore, we need not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Note: Esther Gaw is presently working in Africa doing Chinese take-out food business.